The Kids this morning

Cloth Nappy wishlist from nappyeverafter.co.uk

Cloth Nappy wishlist

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Disana Pull-on Wool Pant – Green - 62/68cm (0-4 mths up to 12lbs/5kg) Remove Qty Cost£11.50 (no Tax) Disana Organic Cotton Knitted Tie-on Nappies Remove Qty Cost£2.45 (no Tax) Disana Paper Fleece Liners (newborn) - 100 sheets per roll, size 36x16 cm Remove Qty Cost£3.95 (no Tax) Disana Organic Cotton Muslins - Three-pack Remove Qty Cost£8.50 (no Tax) Nappi Nippas Colour preference:: pastel Remove Qty Cost£4.45 (ex Tax: £3.71) Tots Bots Stretch Bamboozle - Sugarplum Purple - Size 1, 6-18lbs Remove Qty Cost£10.99 (no Tax) Tots Bots Stretch Bamboozle - Thistle - Size 1, 6-18lbs Remove Qty Cost£11.99 (no Tax) Bummis Fabulous Wet Bags - Yellow, Medium 36x38cm/14x15 inches Remove Qty Cost£13.75 (ex Tax: £11.46) Bummis Fabulous Wet Bags - Green, Medium 36x38cm/14x15 inches Remove Qty Cost£13.75 (ex Tax: £11.46) Frugi Sleep Gown - Natural Remove Qty Cost£13.00 (no Tax) Delivery Method Select a Delivery Method Standard – Mainland UK FREE pick-up from shop or Nappuccino Europe Zone 1 - email first for quote Europe Zone 2 - email first for quote Rest of World - email first for quote  Enter Discount Coupon Code Sub Total: £89.00 Delivery: £0.00 Vat @ 20%: £5.33 Total: £94.33

PND again

Parenting with a personality disorder is tough anyway. My depression on top of the usual up/down cycling is proving hard to manage. Sertraline, my current breastfeeding-friendly antidepressant is not cutting it. The dreams, flashbacks and horrible ideation episodes are really messing with me. My strategy is to keep knitting, playing sushi rush, sleeping, listening to the radio (Good Wives has been on IPlayer, and now there is Trollope's The American Senator) and I have my books to read on Kindle. I listen to The Archers, but TV is a bit too much. Don't watch that.

I have to keep away from T sometimes. It's a detachment that is so empty and ugly. The pain and guilt follows.

We've seen a good psychiatrist today, the switchover back to Venlafaxine has been organised. I have drug strategies and strategies to manage my emotions, things to do when there is a void of emotions. The psychiatric nurse, health visitor and SureStart lady should all be spending time with me each week.

The aims for me will shift all the time I expect - staying safe, getting well, enjoying life, participating in life - depending on how well I am each day, hour, minute .....

Depressing in itself, that.

Of course it's possible to see the shifting aims as positive, empowering, hopeful etc. I just can't see or feel that.

Am numb a lot, empty an awful lot, sad and guilty too - not guilty as in done something bad, just guilty of being someone with not much going for them, or sometimes someone who is a bad-stuff magnet, polluting innocent kids lives.

Laundry - Woolcare

Laundry - Woolcare

We've done it. She's breastfeeding (boob-style)

I'm dozing off after all that feeding .... she did a whole feed properly. Couldn't have done it without Iain helping with the other breast.

Making baby gowns from t shirts

http://thismamamakesstuff.com/tutorial-rockin-baby-gown-t-shirt-refashion/

http://makezine.com/craft/how-to_refashion_t-shirt_to_ba/

http://patternshmattern.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/t-shirt-into-baby-gown.html

http://prudentbaby.com/2012/05/baby-kid/how-to-turn-any-t-shirt-into-a-sundress/

Breastfeeding Theia

I'm a breastfeeding mum, a person who breastfeeds. I don't wonder why anymore, I just know it is who I am. One of the things I do that make me who I am.

Breastfeeding Theia is hard, even harder than breastfeeding is anyway. Her mouth is so small, she tires so soon, she gets too hungry to not opt for the bottle. Emotionally it tears me apart, often.

I pump, I feed, I bottle feed.

I need to help my little girl.